Parenting Advice From Joy Berry: The Ups and Downs of Grandparenting

I love grandparenting. I really do. But just like everything else, it has its drawbacks.

Ask most grandparents and they’ll tell you that one of the best parts about grand-parenting is the fact that that you can spoil your grandchildren to death, then send them home where their parents have to do all of the hard stuff.

While that might be true, I always say, “Control is proportionate to responsibility,” which means that the more responsibility one assumes, the more control he or she will have. This suggests that not having the bottom line responsibility for a grandchild’s life is a situation that has an upside and downside.

Although I believe that there is a lot of value in allowing children to suffer the consequences of their own mistakes (because mistakes are one of the best ways for a person to learn and grow), I am currently feeling a bit of resistance to the idea of standing by and letting the chips fall where they may when my children, as the parents of my grandchildren, make mistakes.

What if the mistakes that my children make have a negative impact on my grandchildren? How fair is it for my grandchildren to suffer the consequences of their parents’ mistakes? And is it not acceptable, maybe even mandatory, for me to intervene and mitigate the consequences of the parents’ mistakes (only insofar as they impact my grandchildren) when I might be able to do so?

Answering these questions has been one of the greatest struggles that I have faced as a grandparent. And I go back and forth with the struggle on a daily basis.

Meanwhile, when my granddaughters recently called me from the other side of the world, and when I discovered the reasons for their racking sobs, I immediately purchased an airline ticket that would allow me to fly to their rescue. (In fact, I’m writing this blog from the seat of an airplane!) So I guess that says a bit about where I stand with this entire issue at this point in the game.

But just as it was with parenting, this is a game that I am playing blindfolded. So who knows where I’ll be in a month or a year.

I’ll keep you posted.