Parenting Advice From Joy Berry: Giving Kids Honest Accurate Information About Death

Yesterday I did a book signing at the Ronald McDonald House in New York. It’s a wonderful place, and I had a wonderful time.

As a cancer survivor, I was reminded of an experience I had many years ago, immediately following the final surgery that has allowed me to be cancer-free for over 35 years. Part of my recovery program included doing volunteer work at the City of Hope in Southern California.

Naturally, due to my interest in children, I was assigned to the pediatric ward. That’s where I met an amazing doctor who taught me everything I needed to know about death and dying.

It was my observation of a therapy session that the doctor had with a terminally ill child that changed my life forever. I recall the child asking the doctor, “Am I going to die?”

The doctor responded by saying, “Yes. And so am I. So is your mother. So is your father. And so is Joy. Everyone is going to die. Death is a part of life.”

Next the child asked, “When am I going to die?”

Looking straight into the child’s eyes, the doctor said, “I don’t know, and neither does anyone else. That is one of the great mysteries of life. No one knows exactly when someone is going to die. And if anyone tells you they know when you are going to die, they are lying.”

That conversation motivated me to write my book titled, Good Answers to Tough Questions About Death, and to this day the book continues to evoke positive responses from both parents and children.

Taking my cue from the doctor at the City of Hope, I tried to be as honest and accurate as I could with the information that I provided in the book. In the end, that’s the way kids like it. Most of them know when someone is telling them things just to make them feel better, and in the long run, they don’t like it. That’s because kids are just like everyone else. They like to know the truth so they can decide for themselves what they can and cannot do about it.

While it’s true that death and terminal illness are tough subjects, they are not too tough for a child to handle, especially when the child is surrounded by honesty and most of all, love.