Parenting Advice From Joy Berry: Dealing With a Crying Toddler on a Plane
In my last blog, I told you about Dr. Harvey Karp’s highly effective, five-step approach to calming a crying infant. A mother of a toddler who read that blog asked me, “That approach might work with an infant, but what if you are cooped up in a plane with a hysterical toddler?”
While Dr. Karp could most likely address that question, I have a bit of advice that might work as well. It begins with the realization that babies and toddlers can understand a vocabulary six years beyond what they can actually speak. This means that they can understand a lot of what you need or want to communicate to them. This is especially true if what you want to communicate relates directly to them.
I know it can be difficult, but it is imperative that parents stay at least one step ahead of their children. By this I mean that they need to consider everything that might go wrong in a particular situation and either avoid the situation altogether or try to address the inherent problems ahead of time.
Addressing the problems inherent in a long plane flight that involves toddlers includes choosing flights that synchronize with the child’s sleep schedule or making certain that there are enough activities available to entertain the child if he or she is going to be awake most of the time. However, in the event you encounter an overly tired child who has worked himself or herself into a crying frenzy, other measures need to be taken.
If there is a possibility that your child will be tired during a plane flight and will need to sleep, you need to talk to him or her ahead of time, and here’s what you need to say:
Most of the time when children get tired, they fall asleep. But sometimes they get so tired they can’t fall asleep. When this happens they often get frustrated and begin to cry or throw tantrums. Unfortunately, the more they cry or throw tantrums the more difficult it is for them to fall asleep. And when this happens, they need help.
Mommies and daddies who love their children often help by holding their children tightly, softly rocking them, and talking gently into their children’s ears. Let me show you what I mean.
At this point, do the following:
1. Place your child on your lap.
2. Get him or her in a comfortable sleeping position.
3. Wrap both arms around your child and hold him or her firmly in place.
4. Gently rock your child.
5. Speak softly into your child’s ear by saying things like, “I love you. Your body is exhausted and needs to sleep. I am going to help you relax and get to sleep.”
6. Explain that when you are doing these steps “for real,” you will need to continue doing this until your child calms down or falls asleep.
After your demonstration, tell your child the following:
We are going on a very long plane ride. And during the ride, you might need to fall asleep. If you start fussing or crying a lot, I will know that you need to rest and, because I love you, I will do my best to help you rest by doing what I just showed you. In addition, I will keep holding you tightly until you fall asleep or calm down. Please try to remember that I am doing this because I love you and care about you.
When children know ahead of time what might take place, many positive things can happen. For example, if they don’t like the consequences that a certain behavior can bring on, they might avoid the behavior. Or if they misbehave they are more likely to cooperate with the consequences of the misbehavior because they knew about them ahead of time.
All that said the most effective part of the plan mentioned above is the fact that instead of it being a punitive act, following the six steps put forth above can be a loving act. And in the final analysis, the presence of genuine love in any parent/child encounter makes all of the difference in the world.
