Parenting Advice From Joy Berry: The Challenge of Crying Babies?

Last weekend, I flew from New York to San Francisco for my nephew’s wedding. It was a long flight and the plane was loaded to the gills.

A young family of four was seated across the aisle from where I was sitting. The oldest child was a toddler, and the youngest child was an infant.

The moment the plane lifted off, the infant began to cry and didn’t stop until the mother fled the plane with the baby after landing in San Francisco. On several occasions I offered to assist with the infant, but understandably, the wary parents politely declined my offer.

I think I speak for everyone on the plane when I say that that flight was one of the most miserable cross-country flights that any one of us has encountered. So I can only imagine where it will end up on the parents’ list of “Most Horrific Flights Ever.”

Many people do not realize that there is a point at which extremely exhausted children become almost too tired to fall asleep. When this point is reached, a child can become almost hysterical. In this agitated state, wild erratic wailing and flailing often ensues, and this behavior only increases the child’s inability to calm down or fall asleep.

As I exited the plane, I found the mother sobbing and the father attempting to comfort his two distraught children. I walked over to the mother and put my arm around her.

“At one time or another, almost everyone in that plane has been forced to contend with a child who is crying in public,” I told her. “Most of us knew what you were going through and sincerely empathized with you. So, you need not feel embarrassed or bad about what happened. You also need to take heart because, as children get older, traveling with them becomes easier. It really does.”

While waiting to retrieve my luggage, another young mother who had watched my interactions with the parents on the plane asked, “What would you have done to get that baby to stop crying?”

Fortunately, I had just come across an amazing book written by Dr. Harvy Karp called The Happiest Baby on the Block, and I was able to tell her about it.

I discovered the book when I was preparing to do an interview with Ann Pleshette Murphy on ABC. She had taped an interview with Dr. Karp and had posted it on her website.

Basically, Dr. Karp recommends a five-step process for quieting crying babies. It includes:

Step 1 – Swaddle the child.

Step 2 – Turn the child on his or her side or stomach.

Step 3 – Make a soft shushing sound in the child’s ear.

Step 4 – Gently swing or jiggle the child. (Do not shake the child.)

Step 5 – Give the child a pacifier to suck on.

It all makes so much sense, one wonders why parents don’t automatically know these things. But the truth is, they don’t. And that’s where all of us who have learned these things the hard way come in. It’s up to us to reach out and help parents in distress rather than raising our eyebrows and condemning them. I can remember kind people reaching out to me when I was struggling with my young children, and 39 years later, I am still grateful.