Parenting Advice From Joy Berry: Keeping an Open Mind
When I was in college, it was my privilege to take philosophy from Paul Delp, a very wise professor who affirmed to me the value of approaching every subject with an open mind. Before then, I had been taught that it was virtuous for a person to buy into a system of beliefs and “have the backbone to stick to those beliefs, no matter what.”
My amazing professor reasoned that systems of belief couldn’t be classified via a vertical line with an extreme right and an extreme left. Instead, he postulated that two extremes reside on a circle where they actually connect and share many of the same attributes.
It is my observation that the attributes to which my professor referred include:
- A belief that one’s position is the only true and correct position
- A belief that every other position is wrong
- A deep emotional attachment to, and investment in, a position
- An integration of a position into one’s personal identity
- A disrespect, and often dislike, of people who do not share the same position
- A compulsion to openly declare a belief in a position and get everyone else to embrace it
- A desire to eradicate or replace a different position with the “correct position”
In my experience, “fundamentalists” are people who possess the above attributes.
I’ve lived in one of the most conservative states in America. I have also lived in one of the most liberal states. And in both situations I have encountered fundamentalists.
While fundamentalism is often relegated to the extreme right of the vertical continuum, I have encountered fundamentalism on the extreme left as well. And in both cases, the fundamentalists have behaved almost identically to their polar opposites.
Although there is a tendency on the part of fundamentalists to demean those who exist somewhere in the middle as “wishy-washy people with no awareness, understanding, convictions, or backbone,” I beg to differ. The middle is where an open mind is embraced and allowed to flourish.
An open mind is always receptive to new information and insights from both sides. And new information and insights can lead to positive changes in one’s position. Indeed, it can allow someone to create a system of beliefs that takes the best from both sides and leaves the rest behind.
Years ago, I made a conscious decision to walk away from the fundamentalism that was forced on me when I was a child. While it was a painful decision because it meant living without my parents’ approval, it was a very beneficial decision for me in the long run.
I will never forget the enormous relief that I felt after leaving fundamentalism. It was like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. From that point on, I was able to engage in conversations without needing to get the other person to see things my way. For the first time in my life, I could really listen and experience things with the open mind that Professor Delp encouraged all of his students to have.
Yesterday, I engaged in a conversation with two individuals who were on opposite sides of several political debates. As the discussion degenerated into the two of them ripping and tearing at each other in very destructive ways, I was thankful to be able to retreat to my sanctuary in my middle of the road.
Thank you Professor Delp for encouraging me to “keep an open mind.”
