Parenting Advice From Joy Berry: Back to School—Part Five (Teacher/Student Personality Conflicts)

Given the fact that children spend the majority of their weekday waking hours at school, it is imperative that school is an enjoyable experience for them. Parents can insure that this is the case by paying attention and by getting involved when necessary.

There are many factors that affect whether or not a child will enjoy school. But one of the most influential factors seems to be the teacher/student relationship. Situations in which there are personality conflicts between a teacher and a student can be daunting for everyone.

Adults are more experienced and better equipped than children to understand and handle personality conflicts. So, in the case of the teacher/student relationship, the teacher is playing with a stacked deck, and children are almost powerless to change the dynamics of the relationship. Since this is the case, children need to be protected from teacher/student personality conflicts.

Some parents who are facing the challenge of a teacher/student personality conflict reason that, because children will be dealing with people they don’t like all their lives, they need to learn how to cope with personality conflicts during childhood. And while this assumption is reasonable in most instances, it is dangerous to apply it to the teacher/student relationship in which there is such an imbalance of power.

Subjecting a child to the negative energy that is projected either consciously or unconsciously by a teacher who dislikes the child can be extremely detrimental to the child’s health and welfare.

Dealing with a teacher/student personality conflict is much easier when the teacher is aware of the conflict and acknowledges it. Therefore it is laudable when a teacher is introspective and honest enough to cop to a teacher/student conflict. And it is even more laudable when the teacher takes action to correct the situation by drastically altering his or her attitude, or, if an attitude adjustment is not possible, getting the child into another situation where he or she will be genuinely loved and appreciated.

However, in situations in which teachers refuse to accept and/or deal with a teacher/student personality conflict, parents need to step in and insist that, unless the personality conflict can be resolved to everyone’s satisfaction, the child needs to be moved to a more positive environment.

Unfortunately, many parents believe that the school has the final say regarding a child’s school experience, and therefore many parents automatically accept all of the school’s decisions regarding their children. While schools have the responsibility to protect the interests of the general school population, parents must insure that the school’s efforts do not have a detrimental impact on their children.

Most teachers and school administrators are extremely reasonable when approached by concerned parents.  In fact, most educators welcome parental input and involvement. But even in those rare situations where there might be resistance to resolving a teacher/student personality conflict, parents need to persist. This is because nothing that a parent does is more important that being an advocate for his or her child.