Parenting Advice From Joy Berry: Back to School—Part Two (Fear, Respect, and Classroom Control)
Over the years, I have heard more opinions about the right way to begin a school year than I can recall. Among the many approaches to starting a school year in a way that will ward off classroom chaos and keep things under control, there are two approaches that immediately come to mind.
First there is the belief that a teacher needs to start off as a strict disciplinarian so that students will respect him or her and act accordingly. At its best, this position also allows for lightening up a bit once the teacher is confident that everything is under control.
Next there is the belief that a teacher needs to start off from a friendlier position in order to assure students that he or she is an ally instead of the enemy. This position is based on the belief that students perform better for teachers that they like.
I believe that the goal of being respected and the goal of being liked are not mutually exclusive. In other words, a teacher who is respected can also be a teacher who is liked.
Furthermore, I refute the notion that fear is an essential component of respect. I don’t agree with adults who believe that unless a child fears you, he or she will not respect you. This was a belief shared by my father and most of my childhood teachers, and, as a result of my experiences with these people, I can assure you that the concept of “fear = respect” could not be further from the truth. In fact, like most people in similar circumstances, I behaved because I feared punishment, not because I respected the people in charge. Furthermore, when the fear of punishment was removed, there was little if any motivation to act appropriately.
So, if the goal is to raise autonomous, responsible kids who have developed their own inner strength and self-control, autocratic discipline that is punitive can be counterproductive.
The key to maintaining classroom control is to make the students a part of the process. It is to get them to help make things work. And the best way to accomplish this is to make students a part of setting up and enforcing the rules from day one.
Students who work with their teachers to set up and maintain the classroom rules (including the consequences that must be suffered when the rules are broken) have far more at stake and are much more committed to making the rules work.
Long before it was politically correct to call teachers by their first names, I encouraged my students to call me Joy. And from the beginning, I was completely genuine (because that’s the only way that I could be consistent), and I was vulnerable (because that was the only way I could expect students to share their vulnerability with me). However, that didn’t mean that I was a total pushover. All through the fun and games that inundated my lesson plans, there was never a question about who was the “alpha dog in the pack.” Nonetheless, just like other alphas, I never reminded my students about who was the boss unless it became absolutely necessary for me to do so (which was very seldom).
Starting a new school year is a major undertaking. But if done with the right spirit and in the right way, it is also one of the most exciting launches a teacher will ever experience.
