Parenting Advice From Joy Berry: The Cultural Divide

I work with an amazing first-generation Polish woman who moved to America many years ago and settled into a Polish neighborhood in Brooklyn. While she speaks “broken” English, and I speak no Polish, we still manage to carry on some pretty interesting conversations.

One recurring subject of our conversations is my friend’s regret that the children in her neighborhood “have blended in so much you can’t even tell that they are Polish!” Having experienced the Polish community through my friend’s eyes, I can truly understand why she would want the Polish children in her community to hang on to their culture and customs.

It was the same with the African American community that made up the Afro-centric school that my youngest granddaughter attended for several years before she was old enough to attend public school. The walls of that institution actually pulsated with African pride. And I was incredibly inspired every time I heard the students sing their African-inspired alma mater and recite their I’m Proud to be African affirmations.

At first, I stuck out like a sore thumb and wondered if I would ever fit in or be accepted. But thanks to my granddaughter’s insistence that I participate in her school just as much as I participated in her sister’s school, the staff, parents, and I developed a genuine mutual love and respect.

Nonetheless, the entire experience brought me face-to-face with the two sides of the homogeneous communities vs. diverse communities debate. One side advocates the separation of ethnic groups in the interest of preserving their cultural identities. The other advocates blending the ethnic groups in the interest of justice and equality for all. As usual, I have found a comfortable position in the middle of the road where both sides are always a little bit right and a little bit wrong.

Because a person’s cultural background is such an important part of his or her personal identity, and because a person’s personal identity is so important to developing self-awareness and a positive self-esteem, it is imperative that children are taught as much as possible about their cultural heritage. It is also important that they are encouraged to appreciate and integrate into their lives as much of their cultural heritage as they can.

However, doing these things should never result in any form of isolationism, because isolationism is extremely counter-productive—especially in a world in which living together in peace and harmony is necessary for the safe co-existence of all cultures.

One of the main reasons my family moved to New York is the fact that cultural diversity is not just a talking point. Instead it is a deeply imbedded reality that runs throughout the fabric of life.

I can assure you that moving to Brooklyn from communities in which my brown-skinned granddaughters were an obvious minority was a real adjustment. Indeed, for me it was eye-opening experience to become “a minority.” (For example, in the two major shopping malls in my area, one would be hard-pressed to find more than 20 light-skinned people at any given time.) Under these circumstances, the adage, “Don’t judge me until you have walked a mile in my shoes,” takes on a whole new significance.

In the final analysis, we don’t want our granddaughters ever to forget their African roots (their mother is Zimbabwean). And we don’t want them to lose their pride in being a part of African culture. At the same time, we don’t want their pride in being African as well as American to separate them from people from other cultures. Because when it comes to the human race, of which all cultures are a part—“United we stand. Divided we fall.”