Parenting Advice From Joy Berry: Chivalry Is Not Dead

I’m here to tell you that chivalry is not dead. It’s merely manifesting itself in unexpected ways.

The other day, I was loaded down with a purse, briefcase, and roller-bag, so it was imperative for me to find a seat on the crowded subway. Doing so in New York has become a full-on contact sport. When competing against teens that are hell-bent on sitting so they can better access their various electronic devices, a 65-year-old woman does not stand a chance.

Nonetheless, I was encouraged when, on this particular occasion, the teen with whom I was competing was a cute-as-a-button Asian girl dressed in a private school uniform. Even if I didn’t win the contest, I felt confident that she would take pity on me and concede the seat that both of us were vying for.

I was wrong. The girl seized her victory and shamelessly hunkered down into the coveted spot. After flashing me a smug I-won-and-you-lost-smirk, she nonchalantly turned her attention to the text messages on her state-of-the-art cell phone.

I looked around for a pole to grab onto before the train lurched forward. Instead my attention was diverted to a young black girl adorned with a mass of dreadlocks, tattoos, and body piercings. The girl stood up and motioned for me to take her seat. At first I politely declined her gracious offer, but fortunately for me, she persisted.

I thanked the girl profusely for her generosity. Then, as I situated myself into her seat, she disappeared into the mass of bodies crowded into the subway car. As I surveyed the faces of my fellow passengers, I reveled in the pleasantly surprised smiles that surrounded me.

That’s when I knew that chivalry is still alive and well—but just in a whole new way.

Gone are the manners that were bogged down by Emily Post’s rules of social etiquette. For the most part, no matter how well intentioned, those rules inevitably degenerated into guidelines that defined social status and inadvertently propagated elitism.

The new rules are for everyone and are simple and easy to remember because they are all wrapped up into a single rule—The Golden Rule. It advocates that every person treat others the way he or she wants to be treated. Today, a person’s age, race, religion, or creed has nothing to do with having good manners.

This is why I too find myself giving up my seat on the subway to males (like the couriers who are loaded down with packages), and women (like ones who are pregnant or are holding children), and kids who are a whole lot younger than me (like the ones loaded down with heavy book bags and other things kids need to cart between home and school).

So, as I stated in the beginning, chivalry is indeed not dead, it’s just moved well beyond knights in shining armor and damsels in distress, and the world’s a whole lot better place because of it.