Parenting Advice From Joy Berry: Family Events and Young Children

It’s the end of the school year—the time when families are inundated with recitals, closing programs, and graduations. My younger granddaughter completed kindergarten this year and her entire class spent weeks learning songs, writing poems, and preparing classroom decorations for their highly anticipated graduation ceremony.

On the day of the graduation, I hurried to the school where I joined a small crowd of other parents and grandparents jockeying for the few available child-sized chairs. For the most part the room was packed and it was standing room only.

The “Graduation Celebration” was scheduled for 9:00 a.m. and most of the parents were dressed for their various jobs. Knowing that the event would be taking parents away from work, the teacher had planned diligently to present a program that would run quickly and smoothly. This was quite a feat, considering the fact that every child was given an opportunity to take center stage at one time or another.

One stay-at-home mom brought along her two-year-old twin daughters and all three sat in the front row. The little girls were dressed in matching outfits, wore matching hairstyles, and were absolutely adorable. And so were their first couple of childish antics.

When one of the girls ran to her big brother and gave him a huge hug, a collective “Aw” erupted from the audience. A similar response occurred when the second girl took center stage and began to twirl like a miniature ballerina.

However, the congenial attitude toward the twins’ spontaneous actions began to wane when it became obvious that the two girls were just getting started. Throughout the ceremonies the girls were out of their seats wreaking havoc around the room. Their misbehavior was especially disconcerting when it made it difficult for parents to hear their children reciting the poems that they had written.

The mounting disgust and anger directed at the mother who was allowing her children to run wild was palpable enough to cut with a knife. Indeed, I couldn’t help wonder how the mother was surviving all of the dirty looks and deep sighs that were directed at her. But honestly speaking, she seemed to be oblivious to it all.

Later, I overheard a conversation during which an angry parent confronted the mother of the twins. Unfazed, the mother explained, “This is a family event and I would not have considered leaving my girls at home.”

I wanted to jump into the conversation and add my two cents, but then I quickly came to my senses and remembered that my focus needed to be on my granddaughter instead of a battle over parenting philosophies.

Family events that are planned and implemented properly always allow for and/or accommodate any kind of age-appropriate behavior. For example, after a while, kids need to be physically active, and well-planned family events will take this into consideration.

Successful family events should not include long performances or other activities that require long periods of passive involvement because these things are not conducive to a child’s short attention span. In fact, they work against it and can lead to undesirable outcomes.

Very young children, and the community at large, are best served when parents do not try to insert their young children into situations in which the children can be offensive or be offended.

I am completely sensitive to the fact that hiring babysitters is often a costly proposition that many young parents cannot afford. But there are other ways to procure the childcare that is needed. Trading play dates is especially beneficial. And so is trading actual childcare hours with other parents.

The mother of the two darling twin girls had many weeks to find childcare, and had she done so, I can assure you that fifty parents and grandparents, as well as one exasperated kindergarten teacher would have been extremely grateful.