Parenting Advice From Joy Berry: Kamikaze Kids

“Kamikaze Kids.” I had never heard the term until a few days ago when it was explained to me that it referred to “the new breed of kids whose parents let them get away with murder.” The incident that prompted the explanation occurred in a park where a boy’s tantrum caused his exasperated mother to give in to him and remain in the park until the boy was ready to leave.

I have noticed lately that there is a new type of well-meaning parents who are so averse to doing anything that might squelch their children, they allow their children to rule the roost. And not only do these children dominate life at home, they try to dominate situations away from home as well.

One such situation involved two women who went to the movies together. A young child sitting behind one of the women continuously kicked the back of the woman’s chair. When the woman turned to ask the child to stop kicking her chair, she was confronted by an angry mother who was upset over the fact that a stranger had attempted to “discipline” her child. Not knowing what to do, the woman backed down.

When told about the situation, I ventured that the woman had every right to address the child who was kicking the back of her chair. Indeed, to do otherwise would be buying into the ageism that often plagues many adult-child interactions. A good rule of thumb is to treat and talk to children just as thoughtfully and respectfully as you do adults.

As with any interaction between two people no matter what their ages, mutual respect is mandatory. But so is gracious honesty, because how else will a person who is misbehaving know that his or her behavior is offensive? And if a person does not know that his or her behavior is offensive, how will the person be motivated to replace unacceptable behavior with acceptable behavior?

Given these assumptions, it was appropriate for the woman to let the child know that kicking the back of her seat was unacceptable. And it was appropriate for the woman to ask the child to stop. At the same time, it was inappropriate for the mother to intervene on the child’s behalf in that situation because, sooner or later, even Kamikaze Kids need to learn that misbehaving in public is only going to lead to disastrous results.