Parenting Advice From Joy Berry: Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy

Holidays are my specialty, especially when it comes to making them fun and exciting for kids. As a consequence, my children have a plethora of fond childhood memories regarding the holidays. Even so, as a father, my son has never been interested in following though with the myths related to Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy. Neither has my daughter-in-law.

So, from the beginning, my granddaughters’ experiences with the holidays and all of the myths that surround them became part of my job description as a grandparent.

Nothing could have pleased me more, and from the beginning I’ve approached every single holiday with unbridled enthusiasm. In addition to the usual Christmas and Easter traditions, this has included everything from helping my granddaughters put together their Halloween costumes, to making certain that they had something fun and green to wear on St Patrick’s Day, to helping them create valentines for their classmates. I even took on the role of Tooth Fairy.

It’s been a fun ride, but one that I knew would eventually come to an end. For my first granddaughter, the end came all too soon.

When I went to pick up Waniso from school the other day, she emerged from the classroom holding something in her hand. Beaming, she opened her hand to reveal a molar that had come out during the day.

“We’ve got to get this ready for the Tooth Fairy to pick up tonight,” I said enthusiastically.

Waniso was uncharacteristically quiet until we got into the car. Then she spoke up. “Does the Tooth Fairy shop at Target?” she asked cryptically.

Taken off guard, I inquired, “Why do you ask?”

“Because the last toy that she left me had Target [logo] on the package.”

The jig was up, and I knew it.

I took the girls to my house for our weekly sleepover. After I had Sekai happily engaged with a snack, an art project, and a new animated DVD, I took Waniso into my bedroom and quietly closed the door behind us. Waniso assumed her usual position on the side of my bed, while I sat in a chair directly in front of her.

As if she knew what was coming, Waniso heaved a sigh, and I braced myself for the impending conversation. She looked as if she were going to cry, and I felt a lump in my throat as well.

“Waniso,” I began, “every human being is completely unique. At the same time, there are many ways in which all human beings are the same. One way that they are the same is the stages they go through as they grow.

“Think of every baby you’ve ever known. It makes no difference who the baby is or where the baby lives, all babies go through the same basic stages when they are learning to walk. First they learn how to roll over onto their stomachs. Then they learn to how to get up onto their hands and knees. Next they learn how to crawl. After that, they learn how to pull themselves up. Then they learn to walk holding onto things. And finally they learn how to walk on their own.

“In the same way that all humans learn how to walk, they go through the same stages when they grow physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, and morally.

“The three stages that relate to a child’s mental growth,” I told her, “are called the Intuitive Stage, the Concrete Stage, and the Abstract Stage.

“Until children are about six or seven, they are in the Intuitive Stage. During this stage they believe anything that anyone tells them. In fact, if someone tells them there’s a big green monster that’s about to get them, children become fearful and physically upset. Going though this stage is very important because doing so helps a child develop an imagination, and an imagination helps a child be creative.

Soon, the child begins to believe only in things that he or she can experience with all five senses. If the child can’t see, hear, or touch something, he or she doesn’t believe it’s real. During this stage, children stop believing in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy. Nonetheless, going through this stage is important because it is the time when children begin to think critically. This stage is called the Concrete Stage.

The last stage of childhood is the Abstract Stage, when children start to believe that people, places, and things exist beyond what they actually experience firsthand.”

As I expected, Waniso was completely wrapped up in what I was saying, and I could see the light turning on in her head.

“Which of the three stages do you think you are in?” I asked her.

Waniso thought for a moment, and then said tentatively, “I think that I am in the Concrete Stage.”

I continued. “And what do you believe about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy?”

Tears welled up in Waniso’s eyes and it became obvious that she was struggling. “I love them so much. I really want to believe with all of my heart that they’re real, but…” Her voice trailed off and she looked down.

With all of the sensitivity I could muster, I powered on. “Do you believe that they are real?”

There was the longest pause. Then Waniso slowly shook her head. “I started not believing when Christine’s father told her that they did not exist. I knew that he wouldn’t lie to her,” she said.

At that point, Waniso collapsed into my arms and cried softly.

Tenderly, I continued to talk to her. “Waniso, moving from one stage to another is often difficult. But you need to remember that every stage is important and every stage has positive things about it.

“It was important that we allow you to go through the Intuitive Stage so that you could develop your imagination. But now that your imagination is so incredibly wonderful and you have become such an amazingly creative person, it is time for you to become a critical thinker—someone who can figure things out and make good choices and decisions.”

Waniso straightened and nodded her head in agreement.

I went on. “As your know, in preparation for me taking you to see West Side Story on Broadway, we’re going to watch the movie tonight. This is one of the first movies that don’t have a happy ending like all of the fun, fantasy movies that we’ve watched together. So while it might not leave you feeling happy, it might cause you to dig deep into your mind and heart and think and feel in ways that you might not have thought and felt before. And this is exactly what needs to start happening at this stage in your life.

Waniso smiled.

I continued the conversation. “Now, there’s just one more thing. Sekai is only six and it is important that we allow her to go through the Intuitive Stage so that she can continue to develop her imagination just like you have. I am going to need you to help me keep alive for Sekai the wonderful myths that you have enjoyed for nine years. Can you help me do that?

Waniso wiped away her tears and nodded enthusiastically.

“Do you have any questions?” I asked her.

“Yes” she said immediately. “Does this mean that I will never get any more presents on Christmas and Easter? And what about my other baby teeth that have not come out?”

I smiled a devilish smile. “Think about it Waniso. Your dad is almost 40 years old and he still expects to get gifts from Santa as well as Easter baskets!”

Waniso broke into relieved laughter and I went on. “You will get just as much as you always have. But now you will know where everything is coming from. And do you know the best part of that situation?”

Waniso shook her head.

“The best part of that situation is that every time you get a gift from me, you will be reminded of how special you are and how very much I love you.”

“Can I still make lists?” Waniso asked mischievously.

“Yes” I answered. “And you can be sure that I am going to be checking them twice and seeing whether you have been naughty or nice!”

Waniso lay back on the bed and started to giggle.

“There’s something else,” I said as I gently pulled Waniso back into a sitting position. “I have something for you.”

I opened my desk drawer and pulled out the Tooth Fairy box used for the exchange of a tooth for money. I handed the box to Waniso.

With sheer delight, Waniso retrieved the tooth that had fallen out that day and tucked it inside the box.

The next morning, Waniso woke to find the Tooth Fairy box by her bed. With her younger sister looking on, she removed the money from the box and counted it. “Don’t you just love the Tooth Fairy, Sekai?” she gushed convincingly.

“I sure do!” Sekai said enthusiastically.

And then, while Sekai was busy re-counting the money the Tooth Fairy had left, Waniso looked at me and knowingly winked her eye.