(Especially when spoken in a whiny voice)

1. I don’t like it here!
2. I’m bored!
3. There’s no one to play with!
4. Something stinks!
5. Is there anything to eat?
6. I accidentally broke something!
7. The toilet’s stopped up!
8. I’m going to be sick!
9. How much longer do we have to stay?
10. Can we go now?

How to Stop Your Child From Saying Things That Can Ruin a Holiday Visit
(Without the Use of a Gag, a Muzzle, or Tape–Smile)

1.  I don’t like it here!

No one enjoys being a tag-along instead of an invited guest. Avoid taking your child to places and events that are geared toward adults and do not accommodate the needs and desires of children.

2. I’m bored!

Bring along things for your child to do that will not make a mess or damage or destroy anything. Portable DVD players and/or electronic games (with headphones) work well. And so do coloring books and activity books that don’t require permanent markers, paint, or water.

3. There’s no one to play with!

Whenever appropriate, try to include your child in as many conversations and activities as possible. In the event this is impossible, get your child involved with independent activities that he or she will enjoy doing.

4. Something stinks!

Discuss with your child the negative things that he or she might encounter in another environment. Then explain to your child that negative comments about someone else’s environment are rude and should not be said.

5. Is there anything to eat?

Unless the event includes a meal, feed your child before the event. Also bring along non-messy snacks that your child will enjoy eating during the event.

6. I accidentally broke something!

Instruct your child ahead of time not to run or engage in any other kind of boisterous activity indoors. Try to keep your child away from valuable objects or objects that are in precarious locations. If at all possible, make sure that you can see, and therefore supervise, your child at all times.

7. The toilet’s stopped up!

Accompany your child whenever he or she needs to use the bathroom in order to ensure that everything is used properly and everything is left tidy and clean.

8. I’m going to be sick!

Take your child seriously when he or she complains about feeling sick. Tend to the illness and leave immediately if your child does not get better.

9. How much longer do we have to stay?

Before attending the event, let your child know how long you will be staying. Then stick to the amount of time that has been allotted unless both of you agree to shorten or extend your stay.

10. Can we go now?

When it is time to leave the event and everyone is ready to go, leave right away instead of prolonging your communications or farewells.

(Especially when spoken in a whiny voice)

1. I already have this.
2. I had one of these before and it didn’t work.
3. I don’t like this.
4. How much did this cost?
5. But I wanted (something else).
6. I want what (someone else) got.
7. This is for babies.
8. My present is better than yours.
9. Can we take this back and get something else?
10. Is this all I get?

How to Help Your Child Say the Right Thing So He or She Won’t Ruin a Gift
(or stop getting them in the future)

1. Remind your child that a gift is free to him or her. Therefore it should be appreciated no matter what it is. That said, if a gift is a duplicate or if it is unwanted, encourage your child to recycle it by trading it or re-gifting it.
2. Explain to your child that negative comments about any gift is offensive and can result in the gift giver not wanting to give future gifts.
3. Explain to your child what people mean when they say, “Never look a gift horse in the mouth.”
4. Encourage your child to give a kind, yet honest response to any undesirable gift he or she receives by saying, “Thank you for the gift. It was so kind of you to give it to me.” (This response puts the focus on the kind gesture rather than the unwanted gift.)
5. It is important to encourage your child to be thankful for whatever he or she receives, and not want or ask for more.
6. Explain to your child that comparing what he or she receives with what someone else receives is a pointless exercise that can only lead to disappointment.
7. Explain to your child that it is inappropriate to ask a person how much a gift costs.
8. Explain to your child why “It is better to give rather than receive.”
9. Encourage your child to give gifts so that he or she can experience first hand the joy of giving as well as the disappointment one feels when a gift is not well received or appreciated.
10. Help your child develop a healthy perspective regarding gift-giving by providing experiences in which he or she can give to people who are less fortunate.

When one attends as many conventions as I’ve attended during the last 30 years, they all start to blend together into one huge blur. But such was not the case with the Child’s Play Communications’ 2nd Annual Bloggers Brunch put together by a group of premier mommy bloggers.

The event began with a panel of six mommy bloggers who shared the basics of what they do and what they don’t do. All six women were intelligent and savvy on so many levels—first as businesswomen, but more important, as mommies. In fact, it was their role as mothers that catapulted them into blogging and a burgeoning industry that impacts the lives of moms all over the world.

I learned a great deal during the panel discussion (i.e. the difference between a journalist and a blogger—which is the fact that a journalist is required to be objective while a blogger is expected to write from personal opinion and experience). However, the part of the convention that I liked best was the time after the panel discussion during which I was able to interact one on one with the mommy bloggers. The subjects of the blog sites ran the gamut from the benefits of nursing for a longer rather than shorter period of time to raising children in an Orthodox Jewish family.

Interestingly enough, no matter how narrowly defined the focus of an individual site, there always seemed to be an audience that was hungry for the information that it provided. And this is why I came away with a whole new appreciation for the media age.

There was a time when I went kicking and screaming into the media age, but quite frankly, the mommy bloggers brunch reminded me why I finally got on board. Since, for a variety of reasons, moms no longer talk over the back fence, what better way is for them to communicate with each other than through the Internet?

This is why I want to say to mommy bloggers everywhere, “You go, girl!” Smile.

As we were pulling away from the Disneyland Hotel, my older granddaughter uttered something that every parent or grandparent hopes to hear immediately following a family adventure. “Everything was absolutely perfect,” she sighed wistfully. “I had so much fun.”

Several things prompted her remark.

For starters, Disneyland is a pretty magical place. However, as evidenced by the myriad of crying children throughout the park, it can easily become a nightmare if it is not experienced properly.

I purposely chose to take my granddaughters to the park during a down time. That meant that the crowds were thinner and the lines were much shorter than they usually are. We also took advantage of the Fast Pass program as often as we could. The Fast Passes that we collected assigned times for us to return to high-volume rides where we were allowed to bypass the longer lines.

It helped that we had a four-day pass that allowed us to experience the park in small, manageable doses. It also helped that we were in an adjoining hotel that allowed us quick access to the park. When the girls grew tired of lines and rides, we would return to the hotel for a swim and snack break. This made it possible to alternate between the hotel and park from early morning to late at night.

Another successful strategy included allowing the girls to plan each day. After the plan was established, all of us agreed to stick to it unless the two girls could agree on any suggested modification. Encouraging them to work their strategy in their own way and at their own pace put them in control and also made them responsible for working together to make everything turn out okay.

There was something else that worked well. I began the four days with my promise that each of the girls would be able to purchase a souvenir of their choice on our last day in the park. I addressed every “gimme” by writing down each requested item and noting where it could be found. Then I encouraged the girls to review the list of items before making their final purchases.

In the end, my older granddaughter purchased a silver charm bracelet, my younger granddaughter purchased a special Build-A-Bear, and both girls could not have been more pleased with their choices.

Last but not least, I had no hidden agenda and I made certain that there would be no interruptions of any kind. Therefore, the girls were the complete focus of my attention. This is one of the most important considerations when it comes to successful family experiences. Parents with their ears glued to their cell phones don’t make very enjoyable or engaging companions.

The girls and I witnessed a good example of this after passing through the Disneyland turnstile. A small family was following close behind when we overheard the father announce, “I want everyone to see that I am turning off my cell phone!” At that point, the littlest family member squealed with delight while the two older siblings high-fived each other.

The girls and I looked at each other knowingly, and I whispered to them, “Now that’s the way to start a perfect family outing at Disneyland!”

To learn more about having an enjoyable time and getting along with others, read Joy Berry’s anthology, You Can Work It, from the Winning Skills series.

An invitation to my nephew’s wedding in Southern California presented a perfect opportunity to fulfill my promise to take my granddaughters to Disneyland. Some accumulated coupons and a red-hot, off-season package deal allowed us to stay for full four nights and days at the hotel and theme park.

We were happily ensconced in our methodical efforts to ride all of the rides we had circled on the Disneyland map when we encountered a very unhappy guest in the line for the Alice in Wonderland ride. In between plaintive sobs, a little girl pleaded with her parents, “Please don’t make me go! I’m scared. Just take me to the car and I’ll stay there without crying. I promise…”

Unfortunately the parents seemed to be impervious to the little girl’s pleas, and everyone waiting in line was visibly uncomfortable with what seemed to be the parents’ indifference to their daughter.

One particularly distraught stranger spoke up. “If she does not want to go on the ride, why make her?”

The mother shot back a vitriolic response. “We just dropped $150 bucks to ride these rides and she’s going on them whether she likes it or not!”

“She’ll be okay once she gets on the ride,” the father assured the stranger. “She’s just a little upset because she just went on the Snow White ride and she thought it was scary.”

Hello! I thought to myself. The key word here is “scary.” And what part of that word sounds like fun?

This is not the first time I have watched misguided parents force their children to do “fun activities” that were actually terrifying and not any fun at all. The rationale that accompanies such behavior usually goes something like this: “Because the child has never done this activity before, he or she does not know that it is fun. Therefore I am going to force the child to do the activity so that he or she can learn that it is fun, and as a result have a good time.”

What this rationale does not take into consideration is the normal developmental stages that a child goes through. For example, adults know that the wicked witch on the Snow White ride is not real and therefore cannot hurt them. But the same is not true for a child entrenched in the Intuitive Stage of development, where fictional characters are as real as nonfictional characters. If adults would stop and think how frightening a real-life wicked witch could be, they might reconsider forcing a very young child to experience one.

There’s something else at stake when parents force their children to do things before the children are ready to do them: We are asking children to go against their instincts. Fear is one of the main things that helps keep kids safe because it is fear that prompts kids to avoid danger.

When we force a child to override his or her fear, and when we reward the child for doing so, we inadvertently encourage that child to ignore the fear—and that could lead to disastrous results. Healthy fear is something that needs to be nurtured, not stifled.

Meanwhile, the best person to determine what is actually fun for a child is the child. And what might be fun for one child might not necessarily be fun for anyone else.

The key is to be completely honest about the purpose of an activity, event, or outing. If it is for a child to have fun, everything should be completely child-centered and, as much as possible, the child should be able to choose what happens. On the other hand, if the purpose is to have the child share enjoyable experiences with others, there might need to be a compromise in the choice of activities. This is where taking turns choosing a fun activity is appropriate.

I recall that two years ago, my six-year-old granddaughter was fearful about many of the rides at Disneyland. As a result, one adult took her to less threatening attractions while the other adult took her older sister on the more sophisticated rides.

This year, Sekai was chomping at the bit to go on all the rides (including all of the high speed rollercoaster rides) with her older sister and me. No fears, no tears, just an enormous amount of fun that will reside with my granddaughter’s great memories for a long time to come.

To read more about this subject, check out Joy Berry’s book, Good Answers to Tough Questions about Trauma.